This month was a fun one for spotting idiocy on the internet. The antivaxxers and anti-maskers had been quiet for a while but they reached a fever pitch again over the summer thanks to the delta variant. You’ll read my take on the whole thing further down. But I’m going to have a little fun on this edition of the Doom Scroll this time too, and show off my poetic talents, so be prepared for that.
Hypocritical Suburban Gun Nutters
Let me tell you about a house I often pass while taking my son for a walk in his stroller in the local suburb I live near. Behind the large flag pole sporting an American flag, is a plaque on the wall, warning that the inhabitant is a combat veteran who is “hell in a gunfight”, and for the reader to consider themselves warned if trespassing. Well howdy to you too, neighbor! Truly this must be where Florida Man lives. Is this the kind of neighborhood Mr. Rogers would have wanted for us? Where everyone’s too afraid to even look at each other? I feel bad for the poor UPS worker who has to worry about getting a bullet to the head for delivering a package to their front door. “Home of the brave”, my ass. The US is a cowardly, paranoid nation overall. In other countries neighbors talk to each other. I never saw a cowardly plaque like that in Armenia, my wife never saw it in Peru or England when she traveled there. She told me about how in Peru the neighbors all share a communal backyard and hang out together and barbecue. That is completely alien in the conservative suburbs of Florida. You stay on your side of the fence or be shot. Let me tell you about an experience I had when I was in Stepanakert, Republic of Artsakh (yes this is a depressing thing to think about in hindsight given what happened there last year, but bear with me). The organizers of the trip there had us split up and take a bottle of wine and knock on a random door at an apartment complex. We all got into groups of three and did this. A nice family welcomed us inside, talked with us, gave us food to eat while we all shared the wine together. It was like we were family. I struggled a bit with the language barrier but had a wonderful time regardless. What would happen if I showed up at the door of one of my current neighbor’s houses here in Florida with a bottle of wine? A bullet between the eyes. Might as well be an assisted suicide.
Gun nuts think they’re so brave, when really the opposite is true. When you’re getting your sniper rifle loaded and aimed because a kid set foot on your lawn to retrieve a ball, is that bravery? Self defense is one thing, but even then I see no reason to own more than a couple guns at most, if you live in a particularly unsafe area, not enough to arm an entire militia. But nothing’s going to happen to you in a deep and obscure suburban culdesac. There’s a point where simple self defense crosses a line into illogical paranoia. What’s worse, I think a lot of these people hope someone tries to trespass on their home, so they can fulfill their sick psychopathic fantasies of killing someone and getting away with it. They desperately want it to happen, they dream about it. A far cry from the people I met in Stepanakert.
Anyway, I got this meme off a wrestling meme group, that’s the wrestler The Big Show in the picture. I have way too big of a portion of my brain dedicated to preserving old wrestling storylines that could be better used to remember what I did two minutes ago, but I can’t say I remember when he ever wielded a gun. Maybe during his feud with the Big Boss Man?
“Only” a 99.8% Survival Rate? Hahaha you sheeple.
Here’s something I saw circulating a lot on Facebook early on in the month. With Covid on the rebound because of idiots who won’t get vaccinated, this became a hot topic again. For the record, I too hate wearing face-masks, because they make my face break out and give me really bad rosacea. I thought they were cool at first until that started happening. But if you’re going to be anti-mask, then logically you should be pro-vaccine, because vaccines are what’s going to make the masks go away. The idiots who made this ballon above are probably anti-vaxxers too, in all likelihood. You know I took those vaccine shots, got really sick with the first shot for about two days, made my arm so sore I had a hard time putting my shirt on, all so I wouldn’t have to wear those damn masks anymore. And now it was all for naught, because of these fools with less intelligence than actual sheep.
Let’s take this at face value. How much is 0.2% of the US population? Now, one thing I will not forgive this idiotic display for, is forcing me to use math, which I hate. But I’m going to face my old nemesis to prove a point. Okay, so a quick Google search for the US population gives me 328.2 million as of 2019. Using a calculator, I got that 99.8% of that number is 327,543,600. Subtract that number from 328.2 million, and you get 656,400. Are you okay with 656,400 people dying? Am I a sheep for thinking that’s still a pretty high number? How many 9/11s is that? And that’s just the people who die, that doesn’t include the people who get long-lasting, possibly lifelong negative effects. Alright conservatives, assuming you can even count past ten, how long would it take you to count to 656,400? Go ahead and try it sometime. And remember, each number is another life extinguished. The problem is people can’t comprehend big numbers. As an aside, I’m convinced this is also why billionaires are so accepted by most people. Since I’m an astronomy nerd, I have at least tried to comprehend big numbers. The other problem of course is that US culture and its “rugged individualism” has encouraged people not to care about anyone but themselves and maybe a few loved ones. “The deaths only happen to other people who I’ve never met, so who cares?” And when it’s happening disproportionately to the poor and minorities, that’s even better. Until it does happen to themselves or someone they love, then all of a sudden it matters. Not to mention these buffoons probably have never even looked up what the US population was, let alone tried to comprehend how big of a number that is, where even 0.2% of that number is still pretty significant.
You know, as much as I felt like learning math was useless when I was in school, maybe it does have its uses. Maybe people wouldn’t have such stupid opinions if they understood math. Although I’m still not convinced about algebra or calculus.
Bread Like a Bowl
This one has been floating around for a while. I’m in a Nine Inch Nails meme group on Facebook where this gets shared every couple months or so. But I felt like channeling my inner Weird Al Yankovic and giving the whole song lyrics. So for whoever’s not in the know, this is sung to the tune of “Head Like a Hole”. And clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl is one of my favorite foods ever, especially how it is served in Monterey and San Francisco, California, so I wrote this as an ode to it.
Clam Chowder
I’ll do anything for you.
Clam Chowder
Just fill my bread bowl up with stew
Clam Chowder
with sourdough’s the best of all
Clam Chowder
just bring it here and do not stall.
No you can’t serve it,
No you can’t serve it ,
No you can’t serve it without a bread bowl.
No you can’t serve it,
No you can’t serve it ,
No you can’t serve it without a bread bowl.
Bread like a bowl!
Soup for the soul!
I’d rather die
than give you my roll!
Bread like a bowl!
Soup for the soul!
I’d rather die
than give you my roll!
Chow down upon the soup you’re served.
You won’t have room for a dessert.
Chow down upon the soup you’re served.
You won’t have room for a dessert.
Clam Chowder
you don’t even need a spoon.
Clam Chowder
just one dip of that bread plug and you will swoon.
Clam Chowder
the bowl it’s in better be edible,
Clam Chowder
for it to be credible.
(Repeat)
Harry Potter Ruins Political Analysis Again
Why are some people incapable of understanding anything without making it a Harry Potter analogy? This post made me scream internally. It’s even worse than the “Trump is Voldemort and Biden is Dumbledore” comparisons. Hey, remember the part in Harry Potter when Griffindor came up with a flimsy excuse to invade and occupy Hogwarts for twenty years so they could steal their resources in the name of global imperialism? The Afghanistan war wasn’t good vs evil like a stupid YA fantasy novel. I’m just so over Harry Potter in general. A combination of the fandom, Rowling’s bigotry, and just realizing there are better fantasy series out there are what turned me off of it. Maybe I should actually be glad the war last year between Armenia and Azerbaijan was ignored by western media because at least I didn’t have to suffer through inane and idiotic Harry Potter-inspired political commentary about it from Twitter.
China Bad: Part# 109876536383
Oh no! How will the wealthy be able to feel superior to everyone if common peasants can eat fish eggs? I’ve had caviar before, found it kind of gross. Of course it’s one of Azerbaijan’s main exports besides oil, so if the price on that tanks I’m all for it. Might sound a little petty or even hypocritical, but I don’t care at this point. I can’t wait for the price of oil to tank as well, and bring their entire economy down with them. Mwahahaha, screw them and their fictional history books and their upside-down “e” alphabet.
I’m of two minds on China itself. Western media’s constant anti-China propaganda is pretty ridiculous at times. I don’t trust American news. You see I don’t know how much of what is said about China is true and how much is just what the CIA wants people to think. I’m thinking it is some combination of both. They’re surely not completely innocent, but they’re probably the lesser evil compared to the US, as far as geopolitics is concerned. Their culture is really interesting, and I love old kung fu movies. And authoritarian though their government may be, at least it’s not run by corporations. But you know, they really should let Taiwan and Hong Kong be independent if they want to be, and leave Tibet alone. And if even half the stuff they say is going on with the Ughyur people is true, that’s horrible. I don’t like any of the big countries, really. Or the concept of countries in general. But if a country never got any bigger in land area than say Germany or France, with no colonialism, I bet the world would be a better place.
What happens when you let a Karen teach.
Now this piece of viral idiocy made its rounds all over Facebook earlier this month. For the first three sentences of this brainless rant I was actually with her. Schools are indoctrinating students and brainwashing them into not questioning authority. That’s what schools do, that’s their function in a capitalist society, they’re training students to be obedient little wage slaves. But not in the way this moron thinks. For she has been indoctrinated and brainwashed by the antivaxxers. Or at least the anti-maskers, who are basically the same people. After the first three sentences it’s all downhill from there. She is a sheep. How are schools teaching students to judge others by the color of their skin? Oh, she must mean Critical Race Theory, or the honest teaching of European colonization, the genocide of the Native Americans, slavery and racism in history. You know, like everything happened in human history in the last 500 years. Why can’t we just sweep all that under the rug and live together in harmony, while doing nothing about systemic racism, racial profiling, and the generational poverty African Americans face due to centuries of slavery and segregation? They just need to stop complaining. Sigh. I’m tired of white people, and I am white. And she goes on to whine more about masks and such, while encouraging her students to go maskless and cough and sneeze on each other and spread Covid, because God has “beautiful plans for us on the other side of fear”. Yeah, in the afterlife? After we all die from Covid? I don’t understand how people think that God is going to protect them from Covid. Did everyone who died from the Black Plague just not pray hard enough? Have no Christians died of Covid? As mentioned in the first segment of this blog, conservatives say they’re without fear, but are actually the most cowardly of all.
Anyway, I hear the people who call everyone sheep are now taking livestock medication instead of vaccines, for some reason. Ironic. I’m willing to bet these are mostly the same people who ridiculed Millennials for eating Tide Pods a few years ago when only a handful of people actually did it. Here’s a meme on that subject.
Another Weird Elderly Brag
I guess their main complaint is that children are overly-sheltered these days. While it was their generation that put all these safety measures in place in the first place. Thus, ironically, hose water is probably safer to drink today than it was when they were kids, depending on where you are. It’s a libertarian mindset. The type of people who brag about drinking hose water as kids are often the same type of people who think regulations shouldn’t exist and we should just trust McDonalds, Monsanto and Walmart to have our best interests at heart. I guess things could always be worse in the US, the libertarians could get their way and we could be ruled directly by corporations instead of through the facade of a government, cutting out the middleman. There’s still plenty of harmful chemicals that are banned in most countries but still make it into food in the US, so they’re almost there.
Once upon a time I was the gifted kid. I was on the Honor Roll, occasionally got straight A’s, the works. Had my ego boosted by my academic skill for my whole childhood, teens, college years. This hubris led me to get a useless Masters degree in Creative Writing because I was so sure I was going to be a bestselling writer. It’s what everyone had told me my whole life. Then, the real world slapped me in the face and kicked me in the nads, and beat me to a bloody pulp. But that’s a story I’ve told numerous times here. I decided to fill out this Bingo sheet because it hit close to home on numerous points. Let’s go through it, shall we?
A Bingo Sheet for My Kind
I’ll start with B, where I got a Bingo. I had to look up that purple book in the upper left corner. It was very pixelated, but I could make out DSM-5. Turns out that’s some sort of mental illness guide book. So yep, marked that one. Existential anxiety, easily bored, issues with authority, my blog makes those all clear. Always making excuses? I prefer to say I have my legitimate reasons for certain things. Anyway there is such a thing as a valid excuse, they aren’t inherently invalid. We live under a system designed to make you fail if you weren’t born into wealth, what can I say.
I don’t think I need to elaborate on every detail here. Luckily I rarely drink alcohol so I didn’t feel the need to mark that spot, although it cost me a second Bingo. I lost another Bingo because I don’t really spend a ton of time on Wikipedia, I mostly only use it when I have to link to things on my blog. Change that to TV Tropes and it would fit. And yeah, I used to think I was destined for greatness, once. I thought this was Gifted Kid Burnout. That was before the burnout. Then I realized fame was a vapor, popularity an accident, and the only earthly certainty is oblivion. So I readjusted my definition of “greatness”.
And now for some Existentialism
I saw this one circulating Facebook a few times, and more people should see it. If you’re ever feeling ugly, overweight, or you’re fretting about acne, wrinkles, gray hairs or baldness, just think about this. Your body is but a shell, a vehicle. A temporary home. Our consciousness is who we really are. Even the mass you see in this picture isn’t our true selves. How we manifest physically and who we are inside are two different things. And when I say “inside”, I don’t mean it literally. No one really does, if you think about that phrase. “Deep down inside” isn’t talking about your appendix or your pancreas. Inside is our consciousness, our awareness.Look at that thing. Did they have to include the eyes, or was that just for aesthetics? It reminds me of a plant, with roots. But plants are living things just like we are. Are we really that different from plants? Humans like to believe they’re separate from all other life forms, but they aren’t. We’re animals too.Yet we’re the only ones who have a concept of time, who use money, who worry about their career and their life’s purpose. We fret so much over things that don’t exist. Yet we also seem to be the only ones who look up at the night sky, and wonder where we are. We are a random combination of atoms and molecules that come from exploding stars, that became aware.
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