Something I have been sitting with for the last several days, is the question of anger. How to control your anger, and not let it control you. I’ve looked at a few different philosophers for the answer. From a Setian perspective, anger itself isn’t the problem. To supress it, however, is to allow it to fester into something worse. You may explode at the wrong times, you may say things you cannot take back, and you may be living with the consequences of your words for quite some time. I’ve been through that many times in my life, so when I do finally erupt at someone I try to first think about the potential consequences. There are two types of people who don’t get angry. Those who are bottling it up and are going to explode eventually one day, and those who are so above everything, so detached, that anger does not reach them. But to forgo our emotions entirely is to forego a part of ourselves. Someone without anger might be someone without boundaries, someone who never stands up for themselves or others. Is there a balance to be struck here?
Here is some of what the Egyptian philosopher Amenemope said about angry people.
Amenemope
Chapter 3 : Prudence in Speech
Do not start a quarrel with a hot-mouthed man,
nor needle him with words.
Pause before an intruder, bend before an attacker,
sleep (on it) before speaking.
A storm that bursts like fire in straw,
such is the heated man in his hour.
Withdraw from him, leave him alone.
The God knows how to answer him.
If You make your life with these (words) in your heart,
your children will observe them
πΉ֍֎πΉ
From Chapter 9: Do Not Befriend the Heated Man
Let him not cast his speech to lasso You,
Nor give free rein to your answer.
Converse with a man of your own measure,
and take care not to [vex].
Swift is speech when the heart is hurt,
more than wind [over] water.
He tears down, (and) he builds up with his tongue
when he makes his hurtful speech.
πΉ֍֎πΉ
Amenemope recommends sleeping on it before responding to a provocation. He recommends not letting the hot-mouthed man drag you down with them into their destructive anger. Set a good example for your kids if you have them. Do not be a “storm that bursts like fire through straw”. I like what he says in Chapter 9, “Swift is speech when the heart is hurt”. Stop and consider your words before you automatically react to a situation.
Now I am not a big fan of Stoicism in general, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have some good ideas. I happened to come across the Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, and his “Three Judgments” that lead to anger.
Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius was said to have started each morning by writing “I will meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, the arrogant, the deceitful, the envious, the unsocial .”
The Three Judgments That Lead to Anger, according to Aurelius:
- This event should not have happened. (Not just that it was inconvenient or unfortunate. It violated an expectation of how things are “supposed” to be, and caused shock.)
- The person who caused the event is morally culpable. (Someone is to blame for the event. They are not just mistaken, ignorant or operating under their own logic. They caused the event out of malice, specifically to upset you.)
- Your internal state is rightfully determined by their behavior, and what they did grants them authority over how you feel. (The belief that they made you angry on purpose, and thus deserve punishment; that you must react to their behavior, or that they made you feel this way and now it is up to them to solve the problem.)
The goal here isn’t to supress your anger, but to stop yourself from getting angry in the first place. Sometimes these judgments might be valid, but more often than not, they might only be based on assumptions and knee-jerk reactions. To undermine your anger, remove at least one of these judgments, preferably the one you feel is being the loudest. To remove the first judgment, do not be shocked by the behavior of others. Examine your own expectations of reality. If reality isn’t meeting your expectations consistently, perhaps those expectations need to change. Expect to meet difficult, ignorant, envious and narcissistic people throughout your day. Expect the world to be run the way it is, even if you don’t agree with it. Remember that the universe does not comform to your idea or anybody’s idea of justice. To remove the second judgment, remember that most often, people make mistakes out of ignorance rather than malice. This may not excuse their behavior, and yes some people out there are genuinely malicious and doing things on purpose, but it does make you question whether every person who upsets you deserves your anger, and whether your rage is just. The third judgment is often the quickest and hardest to catch. Your biological reaction to their behavior may not be under your control, but the story you tell yourself about it, your interpretation of the event and the conviction that your feelings are their responsibility, that gets tacked on later. To remove the third judgment is to remove the power others have over you, particularly those who manipulate righteous anger for their own means, such as politicians and the media. You are responsible for your own feelings.
For example, stop being shocked every time a politician lies or does something horrible, just expect it, see it all for the rigged game that it is. Doesn’t make it okay, but it helps your mental health. Someone cuts you off on the road, maybe they didn’t see you, or maybe they really needed to be in that lane, but even if they did it to provoke you, you should expect to see that behavior on the road. Even those people out there who are genuinely being malicious will lose the power to anger you if you expect their behavior, and are not shocked by it. There’s a reason anger is one of the steps in the grieving process, and the final step in that process is acceptance.
I’ll leave you with a couple maxims from the Book of Sith that I saved, because I may be a nerd but I borrow my wisdom widely. For you see the goal isn’t to eliminate or suppress your anger, but rather to command it. Don’t waste it on small things.
I do not supress my emotions.
What you supress will ultimately control you.
πΉ֍֎πΉ
Rage, like a blade, is a tool.
Deploy it only when it secures an outcome.
πΉ֍֎πΉ
Emotion is acknowledged, then placed in its proper role,
Emotion does not drive.
πΉ֍֎πΉ
Anger unacknowledged is chaos.
Anger understood is command.
πΉ֍֎πΉ
The beast must not be caged.
The beast must be trained.
May Sutekh rise and Aπpπeπpπ fall. πΌπ’ππͺ
πΉ֍֎πΉ
~ Siamanto the Foreigner
π·π πππ―ππππΊπππ ππ
ΥΥ«Υ‘Υ΄Υ‘ΥΆΥ©Φ ΥΥΏΥ‘ΦΥ¨
